I Love Trash Movies Because I’m a Genius

Before I get into this I just want to say a quick and hearty, "fuck you" to each and every one of my friends who have mocked me for repeatedly watching The Purge, The Purge: Anarchy, The Purge: Election Year, and The Bachelorette. Because it turns out my love of garbage programming means I'm a goddamn genius just like I've always known.

Not that I need it to be reaffirmed by a bunch of eggheads, but according to a new study published in the science journal Poetics, titled, "Enjoying trash films: Underlying features, viewing stances, and experiential response dimensions," people like me who gleefully consume movies such as Saw, Saw II, Saw X, and Saw IV are "cultural omnivores" who crave stimulation outside the mainstream fare because of how awesome and smart and on it we usually are.

Yes, that's all obviously true, you've read my investigation on Orlando Bloom's dick, you already know I'm of above-average intelligence. And I appreciate that I can finally speak out about my love of TV shows like true crime stalking drama, Deadly Obsessions without fear of reprobation. But also, trash movies and television are amazing. I don't need science to tell me that.

In my experience, people who scoff at say, the Fast and Furious anthology, have never actually seen a single Fast and Furious. They've never Tokyo Drifted and they have neither been Too Fast nor Too Furious. They approach culture from a cliff's edge, worried that if they admit to loving plebeian programming they'll fall into the abyss and people will finally know that they're still not sure how to pronounce Ayn Rand's first name.