YouTube, eh? Isn't it great. I love it. I love going on YouTube and watching Russian dash cam footage and videos of socially malajusted adults playing computer games and swearing a lot. I love logging onto YouTube of an evening and pissing my pants — literally, actually, genuinely, really pissing my fucking pants till my pants are soaked through and I've got to bin them — and sitting there, in pissed-through pants, pissing myself again at all the funny Vine compilations and clips of John Oliver totally destroying an American politician. I fucking love it, right, when after a long, hard day at work, I slip into my favourite chair, whip open my old laptop, check a few emails, go to the kitchen, come back with a cool, refreshing glass of tap water, slip back into said favourite chair, head over you YouTube and just chill out with some fantastic viral video content or maybe, as a treat, a documentary about DMT or food waste. Nothing gives me more joy. Nothing.
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Except for those evenings when I lie, like a pig in its own shit, in my own shit and spend a few hours blasting through all the covers of dance records that litter YouTube like so much shit-smeared confetti. It's brilliant. I stuff my face with cheap crisps, laughing out loud at how bad these cover versions are to the point of hysteria. I'm a wreck by the end of it. What a life.Because I'm not a hoarder of hilarious entertainment, I thought I'd share the 20 worst covers I've found on my travels. Join me down here, in the seventh circle of hell. Me and Dante are having a fucking great laugh.It's a techno classic, right, but, like, it's played on a piano, so, right, there's this sense, like, that, right, it kind of, like, brings out the innate beauty, and the, like, paradoxically simple-complexity, of the original, right, and it's also, like, the kind of thing that, like, second year film students use to soundtrack their "haunting" looks at life in "lonely London".I don't know who the Duo Gitarinet are, but fuck me, I can smell the fetid combination of stale cum, stale hash, stale beer-breath, stale hair, and utter, complete, ravaging, destroying desperation from here.This is you and this is how you spend your free time.And this is your boyfriend. He's "got a sensitive side and isn't afraid to show it" but also loves "having a few cold ones with the boys on a Friday" but is careful to never go overboard because he's "all about the gym on a Saturday!" He drives a 206, thinks that David Cameron is "doing a difficult job to the best of his abilities", loves a good old Sunday roast, and weeps every night.
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1. Rhythim is Rhythim - Strings of Life
2. Modjo - Lady
3. Rudimental - Feel the Love
4. Baby D - Let Me Be Your Fantasy
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5. Strike - U Sure Do
6. Ultra Nate - Free
7. Ten City - That's The Way Love Is
8. Frankie Knuckles - Your Love
9. Stardust - Music Sounds Better With You
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10. CeCe Peniston - Finally
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11. Armand Van Helden - You Don't Know Me
12. Todd Terje - Inspector Norse
13. Ultrabeat - Pretty Green Eyes
14. C+C Music Factory - Everybody Dance Now
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15. Haddaway - What is Love
16. The Shamen - Ebeneezer Goode
17. Everything but the Girl - Missing
18. Dario G - Sunchyme
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