Twice The Babes Half The Bikinis Eight Times The Violence

Good news! After eight years of torturous waiting, Bikini Karate Babes is finally getting a sequel. Not bad considering it's one of the worst received computer games in history. In case you don't remember, or don’t know how awful it was, it looked like this:

Given that it looked like the Russian mob had gotten into game development and forced Russ Meyer to remake the bootleg copy of Mortal Kombat 2 they'd been passing around, it's not surprising it didn't shift many units.

Now the sequel moves into 3D, while preserving its roster of 2D digitised women - making it resemble one of those fake games you see teenagers on American sitcoms 'play' as they jostle the controller from side to side, (what move are you doing, retard?) while their mum yells at them. Anyway, it's called Warriors of Elysia, and it marries a densely sculptured plot about goddesses and magic bracelets with bikini-on-bikini combat and special attacks that involve tickling and farting rainbows on each other.

The dudes behind it, Virgina-based Creative Edge Studios, aren't the kind of fully dedicated games nerds that most developers are. No, they like to spread their talent around, hence their services also include VHS duplication and wedding videos. Their website boasts a pretty dedicated fanbase of regressive perverts ranging from Saudi Arabian men who'd get their hands cut off for looking at anything harder, to unmarried British uncles clogging the forum with requests for the jobbing models' used bikini briefs.

One of my favourite characters from the original game was named Voluptas, this is she.

I was a little disappointed she didn't return in Warriors of Elysia as a full-blown BBW, but a game developer friend said that this would cause problems with her bounding box, which I think was a joke. You know how games developers are. Finally, here's an interview with Mira Popova, who played final boss Aphrodite in the original game. It's too easy to make fun of, so I'll just close on it.

Warriors of Elysia is out 10 October 2010, but I think most people in your life would be fairly disappointed in you if they found out you bought it.

MIKE STERRY