It’s hard to pin-point exactly when I first realised that I fancied women. I had a best friend at college who I thought was really sexy, and I definitely liked her as more than just a friend. Later on, I had a threesome where I was more interested in the girl than the guy. I really liked her, too, but it felt like fighting a losing battle because she was in a long-term relationship. Still, that really established things for me: I was interested in dating girls.
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Exploring your sexuality can be difficult, especially when you live somewhere rural or suburban. There must be at least a handful of lesbians in Essex, but there’s loads of gay clubs and no women anywhere! I didn’t have anyone to talk to or go out with, which felt very isolating. In the end, it was years before I finally came out as bisexual. Because I came out in quite a public way, I faced a lot of judgement from people saying it was for press attention or for TV. That created an intense amount of pressure, which made me feel like I had to work to ‘prove’ my sexuality. That’s something I imagine a lot of people deal with to varying degrees, maybe with friends or family who don’t understand. So, based on my experiences, here’s some tips on how to explore dating different genders when you’ve only ever been in straight relationships.The first date I went on kind of put me off a bit to be honest. She was trying to establish stereotypical gender roles, like ‘oh you’re definitely the girly one!’ It was a headfuck, because I felt like I was supposed to take on this role of being quiet and feminine just because I’m more girly, when that’s not really how I am. One day I might be in a really sassy mood, like ‘babe, we’re going here, get ready!’ And then the next day I could be like ‘look after meeee’. Why not, you know? The world’s our oyster!It can be difficult to know how to act when you first start dating other genders, because it isn’t widely spoken about. I like being free, and that’s always been the biggest issue I’ve faced. In my experience girls have been very quick to establish a dynamic, and I don’t like that. I’m more like: we could be friends, we could fuck one day, it is what it is!
BE PREPARED FOR AWKWARD FIRST DATES
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TRY NOT TO TAKE ‘BISEXUAL SUSPICION’ PERSONALLY
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DON’T TAKE CUES FROM PORN
FIND YOUR COMMUNITY ONLINE
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